So encashed my life’s saving today, the amount I had managed to save in the past few months, saving for a rainy day, which roughly translates to the day where not a penny was avaialble to buy a single smoke, yes desires are very simple and addictive on this side of the country. Anyways, broke it, never expected to break it when I entered the studio today. Insert introspection for the night followed by the usual routine when the dawn breaks. Life is a vicous cycle I was told once, I nodded in agreement then, trying to rebel against that notion as an adult is a little difficult. To strongly say that it is impossible will take me a few more years. For the lurking forst beneath the ice, but at the same time the silver lining in a cloud and all that still carries some weightage. YO!. All that glitters is gif, whatelse?
There is nothing remotely romantic about being broke. That backdrop may work for a Jack Kerouac book, not reality. Ofcourse, that does not take away the love for very deservedly hyped “On The Road”.
Also in another news, lost my 5 year old camera, the same one which blurred all the images and made me rely on photoshop, for the lens had a mind of its own. Not that there ever was a desire to replace that lens. No idea as to when I will be able to afford another camera. For sure the world doesnt end because of this.
Buy a new camera she said, I looked at her and marvelled at her thought and way of looking at the world. No hidden sarcasm here.
A piece of iron becomes magnetized when it stays with magnet.
The streets of the city I would prefer to momentarily camp the tent should be crowded, so packed with people that getting lost is taken for granted and more so desired. The sense of ownership that comes with a sense of calm is what scares me. I like when cities make you feel insignificant, don’t let you own any bit of them, are always way to grand for you to slice a bit, apart from few tit bits of memories (using it for lack of a better word right now). The speck in the universe, dust in the wind, insert all such cliches here to understand this state of mind, and it is an ecstatic state of mind and a very liberating one at that.
I like crowded places, like it when the hustle bustle in the surrounding area exceeds the chaos inside the head. When there is so much noise outside that there is this ineveitable sense of your own voice becoming quiet, not by a forced choice being acted upon, but ironically, in an organic fashion. Crowded places always make me feel at home, in some company of sorts, without going through the tedious process of making a human connect. Anyways, like most of the things, calm too is a state of mind, and this state of mind is a strange & dangerous business.
Right now listening to http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=08WeoqWilRQ as I type this.
And the prevalent act of pontification, a vicious circle of sorts. Half of this wall, between the two sets will shed if vulnerability is not considered a weakness, not denouncing the benefits of the facade of a fort well guarded here, just stating an alternative to the stereotyped (apologies for the harsh word, it is a harsh word) way of looking at a situation. Small mouth, big talk and all that, I get that. Am too young too form an opinion of the world, and the place of self in it anyways, that of course doesn’t and should not stop the more driven souls, am more full of fears still. I say this bearing in mind the weight of all the ignorance that keeps bliss on my side of the grass most of the times. Using Milan Kundera’s title for a book to end this fragmented thought, for this sleep and the following uhtceare is necessary — The Unbearable Lightness of Being.
Upset stomach. In between running to the loo and reading a book in which a battered wife slices her husband into 47 pieces. An idle mind is a butcher’s shop and an upset stomach cannot buy anything to eat from that very shop located in the vicinity. Anyways, too long an explanation for this visual pollution/ rant.